ENSIMISMADO

I'm sitting here relaxed by the fire
stirring the embers of what used to be
images burn and bounce down the wire
all of my thoughts in my memory
all of my feelings, the anger and shame
boiling and seething they haunt me again

When I was young and set out on my road
Truth and Peace was to be my song
all of the pain and all of the hunger
I'd find a way out I could be so strong
I didn't know, I didn't know
just how deep loneliness can grow

They threw me down from out their towers
cursed me never to remain
from their midst I would be banished
I stepped out into the rain
I would wander, I would roam
didn't need nobody, didn't need a home

Cold and hungry I roamed in the wilderness
I was communing with my soul
I slept in the desert bathed only in moonshine
I huddled close to my begging bowl
the stars up above they glittered and glowed
they pierced the night and they pierced my bones

I hid in the forest and lived on wild berries
and mushrooms and grass that grew by the stream
but pretty soon they'd poisoned the waters
I had to break cover and risk being seen
I didn't know, I didn't know
the further you get it seems the further you must go

I made it to the mountains where the air was much thinner
a crowd had gathered to see the sage
but I knew I wasn't on to a winner
when he disappeared through a hole in the stage
the people all smiled; a desperate sound
my head was spinning as I fell to the ground

Now a fever struck me and left me shiv'rin'
seven nights and seven days
words in chaos tumbled gibb'ring
what they meant I could not say
my body was thin my, blood was drained
the light was dim, my mind deranged

The elders of the village came and dragged me to the square
they said they didn't want me there
you've failed in your quest they taunted and jibed
for you there's no rest there's nowhere to hide
your face doesn't fit and you're not very tall
you're a piece of shit and your penis is small

Gouhls and goblins of perfidy whispered worthless failed and blind
they dug a despair so deep I though I'd buried far behind
they made me visit the graveyard of fantasy where the Truth lay enshrined
in a tomb with Hope and Charity, buried by the weeds of time
buried by the mountains, buried by the sea
buried by the heaviness of destiny

Then it rained and it thundered and the night was black
I thought there'd never be a way of ever getting back
a poisonous mist came down so bleak
they took my voice so I could not speak
magic notions are not real
magic potions cannot heal

I was ragged and used when I finally came to
I was so weak I didn't know what to do
my feelings were gone and my mind was blown
I didn't know it was possible to feel so alone
but it was, yes it is, it's a feeling that creeps
in the night when it's dark and you cannot sleep

All my hopes and dreams shattered in the storm
all promises of peace lay scattered and torn
success an escape and failure a cheat
I was so young and my life complete
I sought the Truth and I paid the price
I fell from the fire into the ice

Now I must go, I must leave you for yonder
I must step back out into the rain
I'll keep my anger and I'll never squander
anything I ever felt in pain
There's nothing left now to hide you see
there's nothing left but you and me

BACK